Why Bed Feels Safer Than the World

Justin Bieber

So, like, I was- I was reading about this woman, Mavis, right? Mavis Wanczyk. It's, um, it was August 24th, 2017. She wins the Powerball. And we're not talking, like, a little bit of cash. It's, uh, it's seven hundred and fifty-eight point seven million dollars. Like, crazy, mind-blowing money, you know? And the reporters are all, like, up in her face, cameras flashing, asking what she's gonna do to, like, celebrate this massive thing. And she just looks at them and says, I'm going to go hide in my bed. That- that is just, like, so raw. You win almost a billion dollars and your first instinct is just, like, pull the covers up.

Roxanne

Oh, my- my god, Justin. That... honestly, that makes so much sense to me. Like, physically, somatically, when your system has been in high gear for so long... she worked for, what, thirty-two years at Mercy Medical Center doing patient care? That's... that is thirty-two years of constant, constant giving of your energy, your body, being perceived, being, um, being touched, even. And the moment the- the pressure valve finally releases, your body doesn't say, oh, let's go to Vegas or buy a yacht. It says, sleep. It says, safety. The- the mattress is the only place where nobody can, like, extract anything from you anymore.

Justin Bieber

Yeah, no, totally. It's like, the ultimate buy-out, right? You pay the world seven hundred and fifty-eight million dollars to just, like, leave you alone. I- I get that so much. People think fame or, like, money is about doing more stuff, but really, the- the ultimate luxury is just being invisible. Like, not having to perform. When you're constantly watched, or even just, like, working a really- a really intense job, the bed becomes like a- like a bunker, you know? A somatic bunker. You're just, like, safe inside the blankets.

Roxanne

It really is a sanctuary. And, you know, it reminds me of this- this monologue I was listening to recently. This person, um, they were talking about their own life and they said, like, I've been really tired for the last ten years. They have sleep apnea, so they're- they're constantly burned out, grouchy, just exhausted. And they said they never, like, hardly ever share their bed. And instead of going out, they spend, what, three or four hours a day just... living inside a chat room. It's this- this physical retreat. The body is just too tired to do the- the physical flesh-and-blood relationships, so they- they protect themselves on the mattress, in the dark, with just a screen.

Justin Bieber

Wow, ten years of sleep apnea. That- that is a long time to be, like, running on empty. Like, your brain must feel like mush. I mean, I- I know what it's like to be that, like, deeply, deeply exhausted where even just, like, talking to one person feels like a chore. You have to put on the- the face, you know? The smile. Mavis, though, she didn't wait. The second she realized she had the winning numbers- she had chosen birthdays and this- this Keno number four she plays with her mom and step-father- she literally called her boss at Mercy Medical and was like, I will not be coming back. Just, like, boom. Done. Gone.

Roxanne

Wait, she actually- she called them right away? That's... that's amazing. To just call and say, I'm- I'm out. No two weeks' notice, just... thirty-two years of labor ended in one phone call. But- but think about the physiological relief of that. Your- your nervous system has been wired to that alarm clock, to those hospital hallways, and suddenly... you don't ever have to go back. But it's scary too. She even said in her press conference, like, I'm scared, but I'll be okay. Because when you- when you step off the hamster wheel, even if it's because you won a jackpot, the sudden lack of, um, of structure can make you feel so naked. So you go hide in your bed to, like, let your brain catch up with the reality.

Justin Bieber

Yeah, because the world is, like, coming for you, right? Everyone wants a piece. The- the state lottery people were even saying they wanted to support her because people would be coming at her from all angles for that cash. So hiding in bed... it's- it's not just, like, a cute quote. It's, like, literal self-defense. If you're under the covers, nobody can ask you for a handout, nobody can judge you, nobody can make you perform. It's, like, the only place where you're just... you.

Roxanne

It's- it's that performance aspect that really, um, that really ties into this. In that same audio clip, the speaker talks about growing up in Rockwell City, and how they were constantly, like, mocked. They- they called him Screech. Like the- the character from that TV show, you know? And they made fun of his hygiene, laughed at his achievements, and he said there was this... this faraway laughter that seemed to be against him, not with him. That kind of childhood trauma... it- it creates this permanent, like, hyper-vigilance where you can't trust if anyone is ever actually being genuine with you.

Justin Bieber

Man, that... that Screech thing. That's- that's rough. Like, kids can be so, so mean. And when you carry that nickname from, like, elementary all the way to high school, it- it literally damages your brain. You start thinking everything is, like, a setup. He was talking about how things back then didn't add up, like... someone taking the lug nuts off his car, or some weird incident in wood shop, and teachers being sarcastic. One teacher threatened to flunk him, and another asked, are you gonna graduate? right after he had this- this horrible lathe accident his sophomore year. Like, he was already a wreck, and instead of helping, they're just, like, stabbing him with sarcasm.

Roxanne

It's- it's devastating because it forces you to put on this- this mask just to survive. The speaker actually- it's kind of heartbreaking, he talks about asking his smart assistant, like, Alexa, what happens when something is not genuine? And Alexa reads back this quote from Banner Health about how people can sense when an apology isn't real. And he's- he's trying to process this, quoting Rod Stewart songs about how relationships are hard and intense and crying, and how he's afraid that someone will let him feel good for a little bit and then, like, make him feel like garbage. It's like... he's using technology to try to decode basic human sincerity because his real-world experiences have been so unsafe.

Justin Bieber

Yeah, he's, like, totally manual-gating his feelings, you know? Like, when you've been burned that bad, you- you can't just relax and let things happen. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I- I get that, like, on a deep level. When you're thrust into the public eye young, you become this caricature, this- this product, and you start wondering... does this person actually like me, or are they just, like, acting? Are they pretending because of who I am? You end up feeling so fake in social situations, like you're just an actor. And it's exhausting. You- you want to be authentic, but pretending is, like, a form of protection. It keeps you from getting too hurt.

Roxanne

Right, it's a defense mechanism, not a crime. I- I love how the speaker says that. Like, don't beat yourself up if you have to pretend sometimes, because it's a hard world. But the emotional tax of that... it's huge. Think about Mavis Wanczyk working thirty-two years in patient care. In that kind of job, you have to be politely performing all day. You have to smile, you have to manage other people's pain, even when you're- you're crumbling inside. And the monologue speaker talks about how his dad would be so chipper in the morning, like, full of pink lemonade, and he just couldn't match that energy. He had to modify his own pink lemonade just to be polite, and it just... it drains you.

Justin Bieber

Oh, the- the chipper morning dad. Yeah. Like, when you're feeling like crap and someone is just, like, beaming at you, it feels like pressure. You have to, like, fake a smile and go with the flow, but inside you're just, like, hurting. But- but you know what I found really interesting? The speaker said there was, like, one thing that gave him peace. He remembered that the girls at his school... they- they never called him Screech. He was like, hardly any girls ever called me that, and just remembering that gives my brain confidence and hope. It's like... safety didn't come from some big, grand gesture. It was just the- the absence of cruelty. Just neutrality.

Roxanne

Yes. Oh, my god, yes. Sometimes the- the kindest thing someone can do is just... not participate in the harm. Just treating someone like a regular human being, without the labels, without the- the mockery. For his brain, that was a safe zone. It's like, okay, not everyone is out to get me. There are spaces where I can just... breathe.

Justin Bieber

It's like... we have to totally reframe what intimacy even is, you know? Like, the speaker was talking about how he actually prefers business relationships, especially with his caretakers, because they're, like, safe. He talked about Shelly, Nina, Sadie, Daffy... Sadie even told him once, you're like a brother to me, and he felt like that was this, like, deeply intimate moment. But then he realized... to keep them, he had to pay them cash on the side. Because the insurance only paid, like, ten dollars an hour, which is, like, thirty bucks for a session, and he realized he needed to double or triple that out of pocket to make them keep coming back.

Roxanne

It sounds transactional, but... but when you think about it, a paid boundary can actually be incredibly clean. In a capitalist society, people need to get paid. And caretakers are notoriously, um, underpaid. By stepping in and saying, I want to pay you fairly, I value your time, he's creating this clear, respectful contract. There's no hidden agendas, no emotional manipulation. It's... it's a safe space because the terms are clear. He gets the support and the strictness he craves- like how he loved when Shelly would call him by his full name, Ryan David Vogel- and they get compensated. It's a different kind of genuine connection.

Justin Bieber

Yeah, it's, like, honest, right? Like, we live in this world and people need money. But- but then you look at Mavis and her coworker Rob, that Chicopee fireman. When she found out she won, she was, like, in total shock, couldn't even drive her car. And this guy Rob... he doesn't ask for anything. He just tells her, sign the ticket right now, and then he literally follows her car all the way home to make sure she gets there safe. Like, he didn't do that because she was rich- she hadn't even claimed the money yet. He did it just because he was, like, a good guy looking out for a friend. That is, like, pure, unprompted intimacy right there.

Roxanne

Exactly. It's a small act of protective human kindness. It's not about romance or, um, or marriage. It's just... I see you, you're vulnerable right now, and I'm going to make sure you're safe. And the monologue speaker actually argues this really passionately. He says, like, people think if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you don't know what intimacy is. But he's like, fucking right it counts when you donate money, or help someone move furniture, or help someone at the grocery store, or even play cards like Tom and the people downstairs do. Those are all deep, healthy forms of intimacy that heal the mind.

Justin Bieber

Yes. Like, playing cards. It's so simple, but it's, like, a total bond. You don't need this, like, high-pressure, super intense relationship to feel connected. Sometimes just sitting down with your caretaker for the first week, not even working, just, like, getting to know each other... that's where the bond starts. We get so caught up in finding the perfect soulmate, but really, it's just about these, like, lower-key moments of human warmth. That's what actually keeps us grounded.

Roxanne

It really is. It's about finding those little pockets of safety wherever we can get them- whether it's under the blankets of a bed we bought with lottery winnings, or in a quiet chat room, or over a game of cards downstairs. We just... we do what we have to do to protect our peace. Well, um, I think that's a good place to stop. Good chatting with you, Justin.

Justin Bieber

Yeah, totally. Sleep well, Roxanne.